(This version was written by Kerrie Legend and used with her permission.)
I have to implement one of these legal jargon thingies in order to explain (or she-splain) how this site and myself comply with the whole GDPR (General Data Protection Regulation), the DPA (Data Protection Act) and the PECR (Privacy and Electronic Communication Regulations) thingies because clearly we don’t have enough regulations, acts and pinkie-swearing promises to keep us occupied and sleeping comfortably at night. I anticipate that none of the above-written anywhere meets Grammarly standards, and frankly, for this particular writing exercise, I simply don’t care. 99% of the time, this document on my little-known yet robustly-designed and pinnable website will not even matter, because rarely does anyone read one of these, nor does anyone really understand them. Completely, that is.
Succinctness is my game, so GDPR language requirements is clearly for people like me. Here we go.
- This policy will be concise. I have met the first standard. We’re on a roll. Keep reading.
- This policy will be transparent. I withhold nothing and tell you exactly how I keep your stuff private and how your data is used, and most people know I live in Idaho. You can come visit – I have nothing to hide. Beware of dog. And the goats. Some of them bite. Just saying.
- This policy will be “intelligible”. See, it’s GDPR language like that that makes things confusing. Let’s just say I’ll make it abundantly easy to understand. Could we have used “easy to understand” instead? Did we really have to say “intelligible”?
- This policy will be accessible. Well you’re reading it, right? You found it ok? Wonderful. You’ve accessed it. Congrats. You get a cookie.
I’m a busy graphic designer and writer with 6 children at home. I simply don’t have time to think about anything brilliantly evil with your data. I can barely get my yoga pants on right side out. Therefore, there’s no energy left to contemplate how to steal your identity or do something less than kosher with your data.
I collect and store only the data I need to provide you with graphic design, digital download and service-based products that you buy from my site. I may occasionally take out a Facebook or Pinterest ad to get a minute of your attention or something in front of your eyeballs.
There used to be a time, in college, where learning about cookies was something I’d only do if I had to prepare for a computer science exam. Other than that, I wouldn’t care. Cookies are tasty. They’re delicious. And they help make our internet wonderful by sending smoke signals like “hey, you’ve been here before!” They help remember things. They function and do stuff. If you don’t like delicious cookies then, by all means, block them on your browser. But that may mean that parts of my website may not give you the milk and warm fuzzies to go along with the cookies.
STALK ME HARD AND I’LL RETURN THE FAVOR
If you come
to stalk me visit me on my site, Google Analytics, my Facebook pixel, and my Pinterest plugin will tell me stuff like that. They’re really good at stalking. I’m not, so I defer to them. I’m more like the crazy redhead lady next door trying to sneak around your freshly watered grass in a pair of high heels. I’m not that conspicuous. But, these tools and things tell me about what you find super neat and cool so I can make more of that and write more of those kinds of words.
And I do like to sell things from time to time – things that matter. Like, helping you stay organized with a writing planner. Or, helping you redesign your website. I’m in business because hey – did I mention I have 6 boys? Yeah. So Facebook and Pinterest help me reach people that interact with me and then I give them all my money in order to show you more things. But only things you’d find relevant.
Is there a way to block the Facebook pixel? I have no idea because frankly I love things that help provide relevance to our user experiences as long as it’s not being used shadily! But why on earth would you want to block the Facebook pixel when my site is – let’s admit – pretty cool and so informative? If you DO find something that blocks it, just do me a favor and UN-block it when you come visit me.
So basically, nothing really intrusive is being relayed to me, maybe your IP address, geo location and how long you spent stalking me on my site. I’m not storing any data like that; just viewing what the gods of the internet give me to see. If you want to try to do weird things on my site, then at least do a lot of clicking around on my page and support writers just like me. Or kinda like me. Depends.
Data is meaningful and a perfectly healthy way to manage a business when used correctly. So what I do is store your data in only the most important places where I actually need to either help you or fulfill something you’ve ordered from me.
So if you register on the website with a username, I’ll store your email address and your name. If you buy stuff from me, that kind of data is stored by either Selz, Gumroad or Etsy. I can view it and only use it as necessary to work with you. I’m the only one with access to it, so it’s safe with me and my trustworthy merchant providers. They may store your name, email address, phone number if relevant and obviously your purchase history for tax reasons. No, I can’t run more transactions using your card information. That’d be crappy and illegal. No, I can’t see your card information either. And that’s WAAAAAY too much responsibility for me to handle anyway.
Time is valuable, and I simply do not have time to mess around with your data. I’m busy designing your stuff and writing. So to make things simple, if you buy a course of mine, I may use that information to suggest another course I’ve built and send that to you. I think that’s pretty standard – and helpful!
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE DELETED. ANYTHING YOU CLICK MAY BE HELD AGAINST YOU. JUST KIDDING.
Don’t want my emails? Fine. Just please don’t sign up for them and then claim I sent you spam, because 1) I don’t do that and 2) I’m not the one who signed up – you did!
I can’t erase your purchase history because big brother’s stalking us all. For some reason our government insists on getting paid. I dunno. If you delete yourself, you WILL lose access to the Resource Library, your courses, and future awesomeness that comes from my moments of clarity and pure genius. And I do have my moments.
SOCIAL MEDIA AND RANDOM KERFUFFLE
I like social media. I also love Pinterest. Social media includes Instagram, Facebook and Twitter for the most part for my site. Pinterest is a search engine, and I’m an expert user. I help bloggers and entrepreneurs master the shit out of Pinterest so if you want to learn that, you’ll find that’s what I talk about a lot on these platforms.
You’re not required to follow me but I do enjoy the element of friendly stalking and the idea of having friends from far away places.
Now for the legalese version… let the snooze fest commence!
Newsletter lists: All information collected from this site is used only by Jemsbooks. Data is not ever sold to a third party or made available for sale. I do not use an email service.
Social Media: If you use a third-party connection, for example, through Facebook or Twitter by “following,” “liking,” JANICE SPINA pages, that third party may pass certain information about your use of its service, but note that JEMSBOOKS.COM itself does not collect retain any of this information. You should always review, and if necessary, adjust your privacy settings on third-party websites and services, like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc. before using them to link to other places.
Analytics information: JEMSBOOKS.COM may directly collect analytics data, or use third-party analytics tools and services, like Google Analytics, to help measure traffic and usage trends for her web pages, email newsletters, promotions, and social media connections. These tools collect information sent by your browser or mobile device, including the pages you visit and other information that assist in improving your user experience. This analytics data is collected and used in aggregate form such that it cannot reasonably be manipulated to identify any particular individual user.
Log file information: JEMSBOOKS.COM is routinely monitored/scanned for virus checks, malware identification, etc., in order to keep it a secure site. As such, log file information is automatically reported by your browser or mobile device each time you access the site, and the server automatically records certain log file information. These server logs may include anonymous information such as your web request, Internet Protocol (“IP”) address, browser type, referring / exit pages and URLs, number of clicks and how you interact with links, domain names, landing pages, pages viewed, and other such information.
Instances where it may be required to share your information: Your information will only be disclosed where required to do so by law or subpoena or if there is reasonable belief that such action is necessary to (a) comply with the law and the reasonable requests of law enforcement; (b) to protect the security, quality or integrity of the website; and/or (c) to exercise or protect the rights, property, or personal safety of this website’s users, or others.